Oh, durn.

Someone taught the babies how this "inderned" thing works. Mostly.

Stupid me, I was cruising various links and wound up at an article by Robert Novak. He was waffling on, and the ads in the sidebar caught my eye. "Right March.com". Out of morbid curiosity, I took a look. I was promptly bombarded by ten too many large link banners at the top of the page. Excuse me, and what site am *I* on? Beneath banners sporting elephants and lots of red, white and blue, I came to the meat of the page.

RightMarch.com
VIRTUAL MARCH FROM THE RIGHT
Supporting Our President And Our Troops

While the mainstream media have been covering the Socialist-led anti-war demonstrations (complete with their vanguard of radical left-wing Hollywood "actors"), they have ignored the hundreds of thousands of regular Americans who have been coming out to attend dozens of "Rallies for America," held across the country from Washington D.C. to California.

These rallies represent just the "tip of the iceberg" of the "silent majority" of decent, hard-working patriotic Americans who support our President and our troops. It's time for the media to stop ignoring the voices of average Americans.

I'm signing my name below in solidarity with millions of Americans nationwide who have been silenced by the mainstream media. We will NOT be silent any more. We SUPPORT President Bush, as well as all of our troops, at home and abroad.

(And, yes, that was all there was content-wise. No links, no nothing. Look yourself if you don't believe me.)

Oh no! We're socialists! Aaah! That's only a step away from being commies! Hell, it's a SYNONYM! NUUUUU! We're commies supported by "radical left-wing 'actors'"! Janeane Garofalo has never acted in her life! Hell, she's a crappy actress! The Truth About Cats and Dogs sucked! Ohnoohno- those patriotic conservatives are on to us! Run!

Omg and the press is ignoring their protests. Heinous! Anti-war protests were only ignored for MONTHS before making any kind of headlines and their turn-out numbers are still being underestimated, but THIS IS UNFAIR TO THE CONSERVATIVES! These are rallies FOR AMERICA we're talkin about here! With "decent, hard-working patriotic Americans" marching in them! Not drugged up hippies as uni students without cars! Not people like the man in the parka! They love our poor soldiers overseas who will die so that America can adopt a new oil-laden satellite!

They SUPPORT President Bush because they're fucking sheep!

As I surfed these Republican Baubles, I noticed several recurring trends, such as colorful adjectives and poor site designs, and just a slight disconnection from reality.

The next link I clicked lead me to Conservative Alerts.com, where they've issued an action alert, calling for Conservatives to

Join the Virtual March on Hollywood!
Tell Liberal Actors to Stick to Acting!

Good god, are we that low on issues? Worse, is the democratic party so lacking in leaders that the opposition is beating out Hollywood now? GET A SPINE, DASCH-BRAINED! (See, I beat on Dems, too. I don't blindly follow a pack; I stick to my fucking moral guns.)

ISSUE: We're still working on getting our full-page ad published in either USA Today or nationally-distributed papers with comparable circulation. There are some unexpected "hoops" they're making us jump through... but we WILL get that ad published, thanks to the thousands of members who contributed to the effort! We'll let you know where & when!

Oh, goody. "Contributors." They bribed people. Again. Rich barstids.

According to Conservative Alerts.com, 45,000 messages have already been sent "to the media." When compared to the over one million calls and faxes made in a mere 8 hours on February 26th, organized by Win Without War, eh- you guys are just a tad behind.

Here are some tips if you want to make an impact.

1. Design websites that are visually pleasing, easily navigated, and took more than twenty minutes to design.
2. Do not resort to calling us socialists, you Red Scare Relics.
3. Schedule events to occure en masse. The Virtual March on Washington and the Feb 15th global protests made headlines because millions of people went out at once to protest.
   Let me make it a bit more clear- Washington's phone board is STILL aching, while your paultry email campaign is collected cyber dust as it trickles in to SAG over weeks and months.
4. Get your facts straight. Do not assume that you are the "average" Americans. Read the reports of anti-war rallies, or, better yet, go to one. Reports have poured in about how diverse the crowds are, and how you can find everyone from kids to granparents.
5. Do not quote from news sources such as Fox (pronounced in my house as "faux") or the Washington Post. Check Media Wholes Online for a more in-depth study of this "liberal media" lie.
6. Kindly list your reasons for your opinions on these websites. Give me your facts, your evidence, your cited truths. I'm not impressed by self-righteous drivel that can't even make attempts at real facts.
7. Dears, don't make yourselves look like fools from the get-go.

   As syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker wrote with tongue in cheek, "Melissa Gilbert, president of the Screen Actors Guild, has a bee in her bonnet because people are writing and signing petitions [against pro-appeasement actors]. In effect, they're protesting the protesters. How dare they! Who are these people?!"
   
   These people are YOU. (conservativealerts.com)

My head aches for you people.

It has come to our attention that we are "at war" with Iraq. It is not, the United States versus Saddam. It is Bush versus Saddam.

Some may question laughter at such a time.

We say

Shurdup and pass me my mouse, wummin.

Oh fuck. Now we'll get hatemail from feminists.

~L

PS: When the hell does Wolf Blitzer SLEEP?

Disturbing photos have revealed recently that Colin Powell has, in fact, sold his soul to the Dubya. While always a pale black man, a recent press conference shows that Powell is, in fact, becoming White.

"It's as much a state of mind as it is a physical change," warned Democratic party leader Tom DashedBrain. "[Senator Trent] Lott used to be black as Darkest Africa."

Powell's sudden switchover to the Light Side is baffling to many. "He looks like [censored] Micheal Jackson," said Shekeliah Jones, a young black voter. "Next thing you know, he'll be hanging babies out of windows and wearing prosthetics, too."

Liberal conspiracy theorists, however, can only smugly shake their heads and tut. "We knew there had to be a reason he signed on with Shrubya," said George Moore (no relation to Micheal Moore, author of Stupid White Men), who believes that in exchange for Powell's support, the Bush administration has agreed to lighten Powell's skin.

"Damn," said White House official Condosleeza Rice, when asked for comment. "I wish I could do that."