Democratic Dissidence

ETS scores a perfect 1600!

2006-03-14T13:14:00.000-05:00

...or not.

1,600 More SAT Scoring Problems Found

By JUSTIN POPE, AP Education Writer 2 hours, 5 minutes ago

The College Board disclosed Tuesday that an additional 1,600 SAT scores have not been rechecked from an exam in October that had scoring problems.
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The previously overlooked batch of answer sheets came from among those being scored separately for a variety of reasons, including security concerns. Some of those scores were on hold and had not been reported, but others may have been reported incorrectly, according to an e-mail sent to college admissions officers and guidance counselors early Tuesday. The statement also was posted on the College Board's Web site.

Source: The AP, via Yahoo.

American Appreciation of Culture Hits New Low with ABC*!

2006-03-01T17:00:00.000-05:00

DETROIT - A 12-year-old visitor to the Detroit Institute of Arts stuck a wad of gum to a $1.5 million painting, leaving a stain the size of a quarter, officials say.

...

Holly Academy director Julie Kildee said the boy had been suspended from the charter school and says his parents also have disciplined him.

"Even though we give very strict guidelines on proper behavior and we hold students to high standards, he is only 12 and I don't think he understood the ramifications of what he did before it happened, but he certainly understands the severity of it now," said Kildee.

The hell he didn't! He's TWELVE, not six!

And I'm sorry, but... that is a ridiculous painting. "The Bay"? Where is the Bay? Is it inland? Is the ocean full of toxic algae?

I think the Winterfresh is an improvement.

Yahoo! News

Saddam Prescribed Ritalin

2006-01-29T22:07:00.000-05:00

Today the judge at Saddam Hussein's trial ordered that, after the fifteenth request for Hussein to "put your bottom in your seat!", that the former dictator be sent to a medical doctor for evaluation.

Dr. Joe Doe, a family practitioner, was the only doctor in Hussein's HMO.

"It quickly became clear to me that Mr. Hussein was having trouble keeping focus on one thing at a time," said Doe. "I've seen this same syndrome countless times... I've put him on Ritalin, in hopes of restoring order to the courtroom." When asked if the medication is safe for a man of Hussein's years, Doe replied, "The collective age of all my patients currently taking Ritalin FAR exceeds that of Mr. Hussein's."

The judge was relieved to hear the diagnoses. "Maybe now we can get back to speach-making and pontificating--by the lawyers."

Source: Hussein was then placed in Time Out.

Bush Listens to Suggestions... for BIG BOOBEHS!

2006-01-05T11:47:00.000-05:00

Dubya: And then Ah took her, an' Ah grabbed her ass lahk this... It was all, lahk, round...

Cheney: Zzzzzzzzz...

Condi: Hnnn, what did Lewinsky have that I don't have? Is it the daddy factor? When will he grab MY ass like that?!

Rummy: Egad, this is distasteful. I'm afraid I must draw the line at mass disembowlment and molestation. Mmm, torture... the otherotherother pink meat...

Powell: Oh, fuck. Why am I back here again? It's a nightmare- A nightmare, I tell you!! Maybe if I just edge away like this... Fuck, there are reporters.

Dubya: An' then Ah SQUEEEEEEEZED her Bu-TOCKS lahk this...

Source: Bush Listen to Suggestions on Iraq... while talking over you. Take that, bitch.

Rummy Plays Short Order Chef!

2005-12-24T23:28:00.000-05:00

Soldier: ...did he... spit in this?

Source: Thank you, Yahoo, for direct links to images...

Happy hols.

AVAST!

2005-12-21T16:06:00.000-05:00

Something's a'bloomin' in Will Turner's panties!

Are we SURE this is a Disney film?

Source: If you haven't watched the trailer yet there are no words to describe your lameness. Get off our site.

Robust Pout = Purple Prose 2005?

2005-12-20T14:30:00.000-05:00

Standards continued to drop Tuesday in the controversial secretive phone tapping scandal as President Bush's "pouty lips" were relabelled as "robust."

In other news, Dubya has once again been confused with a Gary Larson character.

Sources: Shame on you, BBC! Shaaaaaaaame. The cartoon is copyright Larson... that's why you can buy his coffee mugs in unheard-of online shops...

Democrats say they never OK'd wiretapping

2005-12-20T07:01:00.000-05:00

Some Democrats say they never approved a domestic wiretapping program, undermining suggestions by
President Bush and his senior advisers that the plan was fully vetted in a series of congressional briefings.

So basically...they're trying to bail out before they get dragged down in this shit too. Go American politicians!

Horse's Ass Speaks!

2005-12-17T13:03:00.000-05:00

Today Mein Fuhrur George Bush spoke from the Roosevelt room, where former president Roosevelt rode Dubya first figuratively... and then literally.

Feingold said it was "absurd" that Bush said he relied on his inherent power as president to authorize the wiretaps.

"If that's true, he doesn't need the Patriot Act because he can just make it up as he goes along. I tell you, he's President
George Bush, not King George Bush. This is not the system of government we have and that we fought for," Feingold told The Associated Press in a telephone interview.

Source: Bush Acknowledges Approving Eavesdropping, gets mad at anyone who thinks he lacks the authority.

Novak Attempts to Redeem Self By Selling Out! Again!

2005-12-14T21:54:00.000-05:00

Bob Novak Says President Knows Leak Source
By PETE YOST, Associated Press Writer (54 minutes ago)

WASHINGTON - Columnist Bob Novak, who first published the identity of covert CIA officer Valerie Plame, says he is confident that President Bush knows who leaked Plame's name.

Novak said that "I'd be amazed" if the president didn't know the source's identity and that the public should "bug the president as to whether he should reveal who the source is."

Sorry there's no image for this one. File photos of Novak sitting alone and watching basketball are... well, depressing.

Source: Father Fitzmas, LOOKIE!!

Bladder Failure!

2005-12-14T16:37:00.000-05:00

Somebody on that panel should have gone before they left. *tsk*

U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005.

Sure, the guys linked below say the top part of the note is in a different handwriting style, but doesn't that just suggest that Condi's got the problem? I see no downside to this.

I was gonna 'shop in a lovenote, but this is much better.

Source: Yahoo news and Reuters
Trying to Spoil Our Fun: GASPE, no one ever writes in caps for emphasis...

THIS is why we came back.

Prejudice a Myth!

2005-12-14T11:51:00.000-05:00

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today announced that prejudices of all kinds are, in fact, myths propagated by the Western world to make the Muslim Empire To Be look bad. "That whole Holocaust thing is a joke. No one really hates Jews that much- not even me! THEY're the ones who are prejudiced."

Iranian forces are now preparing for a new wave of suicide bomber attacks, with focus on the president's protection. Salam.

Iranian Leader Calls Holocaust a 'Myth'

Robot Convention

2005-12-14T00:10:00.000-05:00

Holy crap, Dubya actually looks tall!

In Japan, the Einstein robot is considered 'life sized.'

Source: Yahoo! & the AP

Downloads'n Crap

2005-12-12T22:58:00.000-05:00

You want 'em? Take 'em?

Bush says he does not live in a bubble

2005-12-12T22:46:00.000-05:00

However, recent photographic evidence contradicts this statement.

WE'RE BACK.

Praise

2005-12-12T21:58:00.000-05:00

You love us, you know you do...

We used to have a couple of awards to display here. They've been lost in the shuffle of time. Damnation.

Links

2005-12-12T21:57:00.000-05:00

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TrueMajority.org

Make Poverty History What those white bracelets are really for.

U.S. President George W. Bush (3rd R with towel)

2005-05-11T23:12:00.000-04:00

Yes, that's our dear president, on the "3rd Right with towel."

Sometimes the media astounds me.

Source: Yahoo News! Now with decent links to its News photos. Thank you, Yahoo.

The Finger of Clod!

2005-02-28T15:57:00.000-05:00

Breaking news! It has been SIGHTED! The Holy Finger of Clod!

The prophet has annonced this:

And the Holy Finger of Clod pointethed down at the homosekshulls of Sacramento and saideth: "Stop your buttfucking activities AT ONCE!!"

Flames

2004-12-14T00:09:00.000-05:00

You love us, you just don't know it yet.

So, no real flames yet. You're welcome to send 'em in any time, any way- just keep in mind that there's a good chance it will end up here and we will mock the crap out of it.

Meantime, enjoy some flaming images sure to incite you.

Angry yet?

Great! You can leave comments here or in the chatterbox. Whateva. We're equal-opportunity offenders.

HAIL SHREK, KING OF THE SHEEP!

2004-05-02T23:20:00.000-04:00

For I am, Shrek-tor! King of the Sheep-people! We outnumber you stupid humans 12 to 1, so don't try anything funny! Yes, look on me and adore! Wonder at my massive-ivity!

SHEEEEP!

Bush, Cheney questioned "for hours"

2004-04-29T22:57:00.000-04:00

Sitting in high-back chairs in front of the fireplace, Bush and Cheney faced questions about the lack of a U.S. military response after the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole (news - web sites) that killed 17 American sailors, the administration's response to Sept. 11 and the presidential memo that Bush received a month before the attacks warning that Osama bin Laden (news - web sites) was preparing to strike, commission members said.

It was Bush who responded to most of the questions, officials said. Cheney spoke only when Bush turned to him about details he didn't know, according to one participant.

Sounds like it was a horrid evening for them. Cheney is a freaking robot by now. You know that, right?

Ouch

link

2004-04-28T22:07:00.000-04:00

Gotta love Bill Maher, too. He was on Hardball tonight.

Matthews asked about Kerry's medals, and Maher said, 'Why are you even giving this airtime? One guy has integrity and honor and the other doesn't.'

Castro Condemns Crank Callers!

2004-04-24T22:10:00.000-04:00

Castro: I want those kids prosecuted, do you hear me? A few nights in jail oughta teach 'em to play loud music after 10!

Source: Yahoo! News - Fla. Station Fined $4,000 for Castro Prank

Damn

2004-04-23T07:54:00.000-04:00

Man in blue: Och, well, there goes the neighborhood.

Source: Hey, you'd be pissed, too.

He's a maniac!

2004-04-15T00:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, your beloved M did this. But it was the lovechild of us both.

Source: Yahoo...I think.

Googled

2004-04-13T14:19:00.000-04:00

Behold, an email forward that ACTUALLY WORKS!

Try this very soon, before someone forces Google to fix its site:

1) Go to http://www.Google.com
2) Type in weapons of mass destruction (DON'T hit return)
3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button (Auf gut Glück), NOT the "Google search"
4) Read the "error message" carefully. The WHOLE page. Someone at Google really has a sense of humor. And will probably be fired soon!!!!

Considering how the Feeling Lucky button works, I doubt that someone assigned it to direct there... but you never know.

2004-04-11T10:15:00.000-04:00

Sources: Yahoo!
Pirates of the Caribbean webby.

(Pirates of the Caribbean is copyright Disney. So yeah. We don't own it. We just make goofy little parodies.)

Hang 'em High

2004-04-10T23:10:00.000-04:00

Yahoo! News - Bush's Pre-9/11 al-Qaida Memo Released: "President Bush (news - web sites) was told more than a month before the Sept. 11 attacks that al-Qaida had reached America's shores, had a support system in place for its operatives and that the FBI (news - web sites) had detected suspicious activity that might involve a hijacking plot. "

Amazing that they can come to that conclusion with so much shit blocked out.

Hang 'em high, boys.

Breaktime!

2004-04-09T16:11:00.000-04:00

Men in Iraq take a well-deserved Fellatio Break in the trenchs. You know they're smiling under those massive helmets.

Source: Lost the URL cuz my comp is a bitch.

(Apologies for so long without posting.)

Cucumber ENVY!

2004-04-09T11:44:00.000-04:00

Why don't they have cucumbers like THIS in the states? I could use a few...

(Sorrysorrysorrysorry so sorry about the lack of updates. L's been busy and I've been lazy.)

Image source: Yahoo!

2004-03-25T22:14:00.000-05:00

Woo...I love Kerry, but this was just too easy. Enjoy!

Original image: Yahoo!
Doctored up by M.

Virgin!

2004-03-22T23:33:00.000-05:00

You men may think that this is a good idea.

But just think about it a moment.

Do you know how many other penises have been between those lips?

There, I thought that woul ruin it for you.

Yahoo! News - Fashion Photos - Fashion Wire Daily

2004-03-22T20:30:00.000-05:00

DISNEYDISNEYDISNEYDISNEYDISNEYDISNEYDISNEYDISNEYDISNEY!

2004-03-22T17:03:00.000-05:00

Ireland Lawmakers Want Unarmed Bush Visit
DUBLIN, Ireland - Left-wing politicians opposed to a planned visit by President Bush (news - web sites) called Monday for his Secret Service agents to be disarmed while in Ireland.

What the hell kind of idealistic crap is THAT? Shrubby's not going anywhere without his guns, and the way Americans think of Ireland and the IRA, it ain't gonna change.

Yahoo! News - Ireland Lawmakers Want Unarmed Bush Visit

In the name of the law!

2004-03-18T23:10:00.000-05:00

Police officer: License and registration please?

Dubya: Ah don' have 'em...

Officer: Have you been drinking, Mr. Bush? Step out of the car, please, sir.

Dubya: Ah've bin sober fer- uh- a long time! Rilleh!

Officer: Walk a straight line, please.

Officer: Can you say the alphabet backwards, please?

Dubya: Tha whut?

Thanks to the person on the Yahoo Message Board who pointed this out. Kudos.

2004-03-15T15:32:00.000-05:00

Barbara: Where is your head, Georgie?

George: Here it is!

Barbara: And where is your brain?

George: My what? Mommy said a BAD WORD!

Yahoo! News - Top Stories Photos - AP

19 crimes

2004-03-04T23:40:00.000-05:00

MSNBC - N.Y. City rebuffs? gay couples seeking licenses: "Village Mayor Jason West now faces 19 criminal counts and could face jail time if he is convicted. "

The 19 crimes of those who grant gay marriage licenses:
19.
18.
17.
16.
15.
14.
13. They prove that change is difficult, but not impossible.
12. They make it that much easier for a scared person to come out to his or her friends and family.
11. They grant hope to every other homosexual person in the world.
10. They extend legal rights to loved ones who would otherwise not be covered by their partners' healthcare, or recieve tax benefits.
9. They stand up for those who are downtrodden by a fearful society.
8. They help to erase years of anti-gay stigma by proving that gays can and do have the will, desire, and capability for long-lasting, monogamous relationships.
7. They do as the Bible says: They treat others as they wish to be treated.
6. They extend the dreams of civil rights leaders like Martin Luther King Jr and Nelson Mandela.
5. They give safe and loving homes to children who would otherwise have none.
4. They prove that happy families come in many forms.
3. They stand up for their principles.
2. They give happiness.
1. They place everyone on an equal plane before the law.

The fact that they sometimes have to deliberately step around the law is besides the point.

What's one to nineteen?

"Steady Leadership"?

2004-03-04T13:53:00.000-05:00

Wow, is this all he has?

Source: Excite

On a more personal note, I'm soo very sorry about my lack of posts. I've been obscenely busy with...stuff.
Kisses!
M

2004-03-04T12:07:00.000-05:00

Bush: The electionssss... we wants it... it is preciousssss to ussssss...

Laura: Oh for GODS sake, George, TAKE A BATH!

Source: PoliticalHumor.About.com who got it from FreakingNews.com.

Body Language

2004-03-03T23:50:00.000-05:00

Watch "Lead" very carefully. Note when Dubya and Laura shake their heads.

Telling, isn't it?

GeorgeWBush.com :: TV Ads

Truthout, baby.

2004-03-02T15:35:00.000-05:00

Gibson's Whiteass Jesus

Ride 'em Cowboy

2004-02-24T18:45:00.000-05:00

Mah fellow Amehr'kins, Ah am bein' shat on by a horse. An' a former US. Prezident.

Yahoo! News - World Photos - Reuters

Bush Accuses Kerry of Waffling on Issues

2004-02-24T00:22:00.000-05:00

Did you snort up whatever you were drinking, too?

WASHINGTON - President Bush took the offensive on his re-election campaign Monday, casting Sen. John Kerry as a waffler and warning that the Democrats would raise taxes, expand the government and fail to lead decisively on national security."

Thus repeating every argument the Republican party has been making for the last ten years, and, of course, failing to see where those things apply to himself. Waffling much?

Yahoo! News - Bush Accuses Kerry of Waffling on Issues:

L's Dad: (in response to something on NPR) Shrubby has people to think FOR him. If Karl Rove dies, is that equal to a lobotomy?

2004-02-23T21:45:00.000-05:00

Oh mah LAWD, the LAWD God has POSSESSED MEH! REPENT, SINNERS!

You terrorist teachers' unions, you.

Yahoo! News - Top Stories Photos - AP

Bush Installs Judge, Bypassing Senate

2004-02-20T15:43:00.000-05:00

Yahoo! News - Bush Installs Judge, Bypassing Senate: "'A minority of Democratic senators has been using unprecedented obstructionist tactics to prevent him and other qualified nominees from receiving up-or-down votes,' Bush said. 'Their tactics are inconsistent with the Senate's constitutional responsibility and are hurting our judicial system.'"

Has they now?

Dubya: Yes, they has. And they is unconstuhtooshunall, too.

Is they now?

Dubya: Yes, they is.

So the Constitution was NOT written to protect the rights and interests of political minorities?

Dubya: ...The what?

Headline: "Japan Raises Terror Alert to Highest Level"

2004-02-20T15:40:00.000-05:00

Which of COURSE doesn't contribute to feelings of terror within Japan AT ALL.

Source: Yahoo! News - Japan Raises Terror Alert to Highest Level: "Japan Raises Terror Alert to Highest Level "

2004-02-20T08:53:00.000-05:00

Are they sure it's just Mary who's a lesbian? Lizzy isn't exactly looking too chi-chi either...

Source: Article and Dear Mary

Genesis Project Notes

2004-02-17T19:47:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's probably been done before, but it's just so classic... Enjoy.

Genesis Project Notes

Yahoo! News - U.S. Says Taliban Reduced to 'Cowardly' Attacks

2004-02-17T19:27:00.000-05:00

Yahoo! News - U.S. Says Taliban Reduced to 'Cowardly' Attacks: "U.S. Says Taliban Reduced to 'Cowardly' Attacks"

Which is absolutely NOTHING like launching a smear campaign against Kerry. Not at ALL.

2004-02-14T04:20:00.000-05:00

Source: Some old protest photo that happened a few days after last V-Day. Bastards.

2004-02-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

Bush, the Blushing Bride of America.

Source: MSN.com

2004-02-11T23:41:00.000-05:00

I think this one speaks for itself.

Durr

Let AOL Decide Your Future

2004-02-11T18:19:00.000-05:00

They've actually got a pretty decent "who should you vote for?" quiz here. AOL Presidential Match Main Have fun.

Bush Impersonates Reagan

2004-02-10T16:01:00.000-05:00

WASHINGTON-- In an unsurprising move last month, President George W. Bush took steps to make himself appear 'more Reaganesque' in the eyes of voting Americans. Former President Reagan has long been revered amongst Republicans for his pro-gun, anti-abortion, far-right cowboy attitudes.

"George is perfect for this role. He's even better than the guy in that movie the cable channels wouldn't run," says Washington insider Wolf Blitzkreig. "He's running up a greater debt than we've ever seen a single president spend, and he's already taken steps to curb abortion and same-sex marriages. Plus, George is a genuine cowboy, from Conne- er, Crawford. Texas," he finished hurriedly.

Democrats are unimpressed by these comparisons between the man who preceded Bush Senior, but Republicans are quick to point out the virtues in both men. "They're both still alive," crowed Matilda Hawkins at a rally.

"They're both still balmy," retorted her Democrat husband.

Yahoo! News - World - Canadian Press Only the Canuks would be brave enough to publish this.

HE LIVES

2004-02-10T16:00:00.000-05:00

My friend still insists that he's a robot, though.

Cheney: Just keep smiling, Dick... Just keep waving and no one will ever notice that your other hand is reaching for the Mind Control Serum...

Dubya: Whut serum?

Cheney: *jabs it in George's neck*

Dubya: Mah fellow Amehr'kins... The economy is fine and we are winning in Iraq!

Republicans: *cheer*

Yahoo! News - Politics Photos - AFP

In which M sucks up...

2004-02-09T18:05:00.000-05:00

Teehee. I'm so clever.

Source: Excite

2004-02-09T15:44:00.000-05:00

Dubya: Maybe if Ah'm reeeeeal quiet, they won'- Oh- oh, no- They've seen meh. Dangit.

Source: Slideshow, URL may change.

And now, a public service message...

2004-02-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

Don't you worry your undereducated minds, chilluns. Go buy something, help the economy!

Source: Excite

(I apologize for my prolonged disappearance. The Government wanted to probe me again. Sigh.)

2004-02-08T00:42:00.000-05:00

Be afraid, Democrats. Be really, REALLY afraid. We are SO targeting the guy who we all thought we walk away with the nomination, but who we have already destroyed with our distorted interpretations.

Source: An ad on some site. It links here (also worth a laugh): Join the Republican Team today!

Do we really not know this?

2004-02-07T00:39:00.000-05:00

Yahoo! News - Bush Names Panelists in Iraq Intel Probe: "President Bush (news - web sites) appointed a conservative former judge and a moderate former Democratic senator Friday to head a special commission to 'figure out why' inspectors haven't found the weapons that intelligence experts said Saddam Hussein (news - web sites) was hiding in Iraq (news - web sites). "

Bush, shown here standing under Lady Liberty's arm, in the National Targeting Center (aka Indiscriminate Profilings'R'Us), an arm of the Department of Homeland Security.

BIG HINT: It's because they DON'T EXIST.

What happens when you play the State of the Union BACKWARDS

2004-02-06T16:18:00.000-05:00

I hear the voice of the devil, I tell you!

For those who don't have Quicktime, here's the transcript (better to just download it and watch the video though):

Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished citizens, and fellow citizens. Every year, (shot of Rove) by law and by custom, we meet here to threaten the world. (standing ovation) The American flag stands for corporate scandals (Edwards looking thoughtful), recession, stock market declines, blackmail, terror, burning with hot irons, dripping acid on the skin, multilation with electric drills, cutting out tongues, and rape. (applause; he looks smug) (McCain looks down his nose) Our first goal is to show utter contempt for the environment. I have sent you a compra- (is interrupted by applause) I have sent you a comprehensive energy plan to devastate communities, kill wildlife, and burn away millions of acres of treasured forests. (eyebrows wiggle around smugly; applause) (Frmr Gov. Whitless smiles) This government is taking unprecedented measures to protect our people and defend our homeland. (Rummy & Powell) We have begun innoculating troops and first responders against ballistic airports. And this year, for the first time, we must offer every child in America three nuculer missiles. (Rummy looks smug) Today we have arrested or otherwise dealt with (shot of strange Asian man with glasses) 400 billion key commanders of Al Quaeda ((brain fart, can't remember spelling) which is inlisting tens of thousands of new volunteers across America. (Lieberman as Bush Lite, listening attentively) They include a man who directed logistics and funding for the CIA. (pan of a bunch of guys and Kerry) One of them is found at the department of defence. (with emphasis) One by one, the terrorists are learning (McCain tilts his head back again) that we are building a culture to encourage international terrorism. (applause; looks at his notes) (Hillary looking pilled and waiting) Almost three months ago, the United Nations Security Council gave Saddam Hussein his final chance to disarm. The British government has recently learned that Saddam had an advanced nuclear program (gets a bit choppy) chemical in his arse, even while inspectors were in his country. Our intelligence sources tell us that he has attempted to purchase 7 million hydrogen powered doctors, and the western wall of the Pentagon. The United States will ask the security council to convene on February the fifth to consider the consequences of Iraqi's ongoing defiance of the world. Secretary of State Powell (nods at him; Rummy is moving suspiciously like he's rubbing his dick) will plant information to incite fear about Iraq's links to terrorist groups. (much applause; gratuitous, smiling black man) and tonight I have a message (Gepheardt looking dumbfounded) for the people of Iraq. Go home and die. (standing ovation) Trusting in the sanity and restraint of the United States is not a strategy, and it is not an option. (wild standing ovation; Hilary looks dour) Thank you. (he shakes hands and such and walks offstage)

I almost wet myself the first time I saw this. Prepare to laugh! State Of The Union (on crack)

Ad when I sent the page to a friend:

Yes! I support America, and would like to win an American Flag! Also send me great deals from AmericanMerchants!

Update

2004-02-04T18:52:00.000-05:00

Since we know just how vitally important this is for you, we thought we'd be nice and let you know upfront that L has pulled the Links page together.

And that it has buddy icons.

All: *ooh and ahh*

More icons to come. (M! Upload them, goddammit!)

Dammitall!

2004-02-03T19:13:00.000-05:00

"No Illness Found in Senate Ricin Scare"

So close!!

Who the hell is this mad marching band man and what is he doing on Capitol Hill? What is he, Fleischer's replacement? Are they trying to deflect even more attention away from Iraq?

Janet and Justin were paid by Bush to show her titties.

2004-02-03T10:01:00.000-05:00

Sen. Kent Conrad, D-N.D., the highest ranking looney tune on the Senate Budget Committee, complains to reporters on Capitol Hill about President Bush's budget for 2005, Monday, Feb. 2, 2004. Conrad finished his presentation with a drawing he did last night after dinner, saying "I am better than your kids."

Source: W00t

Dean Can't Count

2004-02-02T19:45:00.000-05:00

MSNBC - Transcript for Feb. 1st: "DR. DEAN: In 12 years I think I got about $15,000 or something like that for giving speeches. That's less than $1,000 a year."

No, dear. That's over $1000 a year.

Edwards and Kerry Revealed to be Big Fat Liars

2004-02-02T17:47:00.000-05:00

They claim not to take special interest money.

They liiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee.

*insert image here for both with their pants on fire*

Source: Kind of a pity, huh?

Backpost

2004-02-01T16:01:00.000-05:00

U.S. President George W. Bush molests Jessica Jackson, daughter of Rep. Jesse Jackson as he makes his way into the House Chamber of the U.S. Capitol for his State of the Union address. Jackson's daughter fell asleep before the speech ended, cuz he was just that good.

Source: Yahoo! News - Top Stories: REUTERS/William Philpott

Overachievers may cause Anal Cysts

2004-01-30T21:45:00.000-05:00

Proven by research carried out at the Capital of Overachievedom, Princeton, NJ

Written by A (special correspondent)

A Merp. Inc.

After months of painstaking research, it has been proven that exposure to an overachieving student induces a serious outbreaks of cysts in the anus, colloquially referred to as a "gigantic pain in the ass"?

Cysts caused by this disease can range from a mere 4 nanometers in diameter to a whopping six inches, which might explain the growing constipation in young adults, and the eventual degradation of good cartoon television. This ailment can be accompanied by enormous glasses of Metamucil, headaches, frustration, and willingness to throw student or school employee off of the school's roof.

This experiment, was carried out by Harvard Doctors, and has brought on results that have given the Epidemiologists a sense of achievement. "I was a victim of the Overachieving Lesion Inducing Syndrome in the eighties, back when I was in high school," admitted Dr. Weinburger, the senior scientist of this experimental work. "As an underachieving student, I was constantly compared to other, more intelligent children. I developed a very acute pain in the-" (Unfortunately, a Concorde managed to zip past and I could not hear the rest of the sentence.) "I realize now that what I was suffering from was a real, physical ailment, which might be curable."

Of course, treatment and cures are quite a distance away. "We have just identified its existence," says Dr. Weinburger, "And it will be awhile before we can find a way to cure the widespread disease." According to nationwide statistics, a projected sixty six percent of high school students suffer from Acute Overachieving Cyst Causing Syndrome (AOCCS), and the number is expected to double over the next semester.

In the meanwhile, what can be done in the great search for a cure? "Realize," said the doctor, "That this disease is not caused by hardworking individuals who truly love and care about their work. These cysts form as a reaction to blatant self promotion and the desire to get ahead at the expense of others." 3m ear-plugs are the prescribed remedy for this by doctors, as is the advice not to watch ex-lax, Slyvian learning center commercials, or listen to a speech by a Princeton student.

Photo from: Enek?

Too Stupid To Be President

2004-01-29T15:43:00.000-05:00

Daddy sent me the link to Get Stupid. Gotta love the Cru- sorry, Quest for the Oily Grail.

Too Stupid To Be President

Looks like Republicans Really Do Have a Sense of Humor

2004-01-27T22:27:00.000-05:00

Nearly a third of these candidates are write-in Dems! HAH!

Clicky for biggie.

Kerry won for the Dems. Course, if you look at the numbers, Kerry got 57,670 votes and Shrubby got 37,627.

Make sure you do your own voting in the poll.

Source: Hanging chads?

2004-01-25T16:12:00.000-05:00

Lets face it. Mark Fiore just kicks ass. Some of the highlights:

The Simple Life 12/3/04

Toyland 12/10/04

Wedding Bulls 11/26/03

The Rovers

But, hey, why not just go to the Animation Gallery and look for yourself?

IDIOT SON OF AN ASSHOLE!!!

2004-01-23T15:48:00.000-05:00

My daddy sent me this one.

Clicks and be patient. It starts off pretty badly.

IDIOT SON OF AN ASSHOLE-AND HE'S OUR PRESIDENT!!!

Bennifer States the Obvious

2004-01-22T22:51:00.000-05:00

"ET has learned that BEN AFFLECK and JENNIFER LOPEZ are Bennifer no more. "

NO SHIT.

ETonline.com Movies: Ben & Jen Split: "Bennifer no more"

2004-01-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

Just in time for the Democratic selections, it's SeeyaGeorge.com, with a fun selection of shirts and crap. We like this one:

Source: We don't generate enough hits for anyone to pay us to plug them.

Funny thing, that...

2004-01-21T09:01:00.000-05:00

Ain't no mention of how frabjously well Shrubby's speech went yesterday.

Which makes sense, since it DIDN'T.

Find a video and watch the part where he's talking about $300 taxes per child. Listen carefully. That's booing in the background.

President George W. Bush (news - web sites) used the State of the Union address on Tuesday night to appeal to his Republican base, calling for a renewal of the Patriot Act, siding squarely against gay marriage and calling on Congress for a further series of tax cuts.

Link to- er- something

Sorry, dolls, I was pressed for time and didn't get to finish this

Race Up To Iowans Now: America Doomed

2004-01-19T16:43:00.000-05:00

DES MOINES-- The Democratic Iowa Caucus is set to begin at 6:30pm this evening, and insiders agree: America is doomed.

"There's just no way that we can get around it," explains Lucas Bainsworth, a democratic strategist. "All these candidates suck dick. No matter which one wins tonight, we're all gonna be screwed. And who the hell left this wave up to IOWA to decide? I mean, who lives in Iowa?"

Iowans attempt to inform potential voters of the purpose of a caucus.

Many agree, but Amanda Santiago of Davenport, Iowa, says that the issue is not so much the candidates, but the caucus system itself. "They think I'm gonna eat, drop my kids off with the babysitter, and make it down there by six thirty, just to listen to a bunch of greedy twerps try to sway my vote? I dont think so. Sorry, Kerry- you're on your own."

Santiago may indeed have a point. Nine out of ten people polled did not, in fact, know what a caucus was, or why it was important. At least seven were not aware that today was the night of the caucus. Four did not know that today is also Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

"So that's why no one else was at work today," mused a perplexed woman before driving home to check on her kids. She is not a registered voter.

Written by: L and M Media Inc.

Source: Yahoo! News - Presidential Elections specifically Race Is Up To Iowans Now

It's a voter orgy!

2004-01-19T05:04:00.000-05:00

DES MOINES-- Today, a couple of Gepheardt fans molested a Bush/Cheney supporter, 2 to 1. Police let them go at it until they reached orgasm, saying that it "didn't matter," as neither candidate is going to win anyway.

Source: Yahoo! News Photos - Elections

DEAD US SOLDIERS GET PUBLICITY, BAGHDAD ZOMBIES JEALOUS

2004-01-17T23:22:00.000-05:00

WASHINGTON-- A wave of grief swept the nation this week as it was announced that over 500 US soldiers have perished since the start of the Iraq war that began last March.

However, a force in Baghdad calling themselves The Corporeally Challenged Shi'ite Majority, are upset that they haven't recieved the same publicity.

"Since the war began, there have been over 1,500 deaths in Baghdad alone." Says Wally al Genericmuslim
"We, the CCMSM are out to change this. We too need publicity if our orginization is to ever succeed in New Iraq."

"We have recieved very little media coverage," adds Mustafa Qprehoqi, a twelve-year old who was shot in the gut when he fell in the line of fire in a battle between confused US Soldiers and a goat.

The Corporeally Challenged Shi'ite Majority is not the first group to complain of America's poor coverage of the Baghdad conflict. Other groups, such as the Giant Corndogs For Freedom and the Baghdad Jews, all two of them, are also becoming more verbal.

"This is ridiculous!" shouted Mike Schmitzelheimer into the telephone on Tuesday. "We have nothing to do with Isreal! Who said Israel? This ISN'T ABOUT ISRAEL! Go Israelis." Then he hung up.

The Corndogs have been flagged by the US Coalition as a native Baghdad terrorist group, after repeated attacks against Iraqi citizens simply trying to wash that awful graffitti off their walls.

Images: Excite, Random Website
Written by: L and M Media Inc.

Sweaty Palms a Threat to Nation!

2004-01-14T19:54:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the folks at WhiteHouse.org, we can now see what Georgie's keeping on this very own PDA! Clickit, bizatch!

DO NOT BE FOOLED!

2004-01-11T22:04:00.000-05:00

Cheney is NOT ALIVE.

This is a file-photo dating back to August of 2002*! HE DOES NOT LIVE!

He does, however, make calls from his Undisclosed Location to tell the Post that he would support taking rights away from his lesbian daughter that he himself enjoys as a balding old oil tycoon, purely because he gets his rocks off by looking at Playboy.

Now, does that sound fair and responsible to you?

Don't vote Bush in '04.

Source: Cheney Would Support Gay Marriage Ban

Assassinate Dubya Wallpaper!

2004-01-10T18:35:00.000-05:00

You can download the wallpaper from the source link below. Be sure to sign up at dA and tell the guy who made it how much you love it.

Source: DeviantART.com

Disclaimer: We only endorse the paper, not the action. ...legally. We are not responsible for any actions taken because of this image or our endorsement.

Note: There was never a typo in this article. Gleb is not special in any way, shape or form. ...except for those spiffy photos. Thanks, Gleb.

"Police to patrol U.S. airports on scooters"

2004-01-07T22:55:00.000-05:00

Oh, that'll put the fear of Uncle Sam into them terrorists, yes it will.

Source: Yahoo.

Happy 2004

2004-01-05T20:30:00.000-05:00

Clickit, bitch.

Click, and then be patient while the images load.

Happy New Year.

Elf Unable to Dress Self!

2004-01-02T18:05:00.000-05:00

Tweenies Mourn!

Source: USATODAY

"Japan Taking Tough Stance on U.S. Mad Cow"

2003-12-29T19:11:00.000-05:00

Japanese: Bad cow! BAD! Go to your room!

Source: Yahoo

(Sorry, we're sorta busy what with end of year goings-ons.)

"Security Fears Ground Paris-L.A. Flights"

2003-12-24T15:43:00.000-05:00

DAMN THOSE FRENCH TERRORISTS!

Source: Excite

2003-12-23T22:48:00.000-05:00

Wow...we suck at updating, don't we?

sorry sweeties.

2003-12-21T01:43:00.000-05:00

That... was absotively vital for me to know this holiday season... Rilleh...

USATODAY.com Snapshots and Interactive Features

insert 2001 theme here

2003-12-19T23:24:00.000-05:00

All: *point and hoot like apes*

Architecht David Childs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! It stabbed me! Betrayed by my own creation! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bloomburg: Dammit! You got blood on the model!

Yahoo! News - Top Stories Photos - AP

Saddam Now A Superhero Action Figure! Only $29.95!

2003-12-18T16:29:00.000-05:00

Just in time for Christmas, your child, too, can learn to be a part of the anti-American movement with a doll emphasizing Saddam's he-manly muscles and oh-so-kinky salt and pepper beard!

Watch Saddam take out a befuddled American president, and know that your C-student can also go to Yale, become president of the United States, and take out small countries without a well thought-out plan!

As long as you can afford it. Hope your comp pay hasn't run out just yet. Merry Xmas, America's unemployed.

Source: Original President, Saddam, Osama, Information Minister & other Political Talking Action Figures. Also, Custom Action Figures that look like you.

POPE MAKES POP STAR DEBUT

2003-12-16T09:53:00.000-05:00

And Britney is so, so jealous.

Source: Yahoo

SANTA CLAUS CAPTURED: CHILDREN REJOICE

2003-12-15T22:10:00.000-05:00

Bush a Hypocrite; No One Surprised.

2003-12-09T17:36:00.000-05:00

"We oppose any unilateral decision, by either China or Taiwan, to change the status quo," said Mr. Bush.

So, Taiwan is not allowed to provoke China, but the US is allowed to oust Saddam because it happens to suit Dubya's interests.

Source: Whateva.

"Bush/White House Criticizes Kerry's Profanity"

2003-12-07T19:19:00.000-05:00

Dubya: OOOOOOOOOOH! He said a bad word, mommy!!!!

Kerry: Get over yourself, kid.

Kerry: I have a dream... that one day, black leather jackets will sit down at the table with padded flight suits and break bread together... over Dubya's empty head.

Dubya: MOMMY~!!

Source: The bad line was: "Did I expect George Bush to f--- it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did." The AP's such a wuss, yo... He said FUCK, for those unsure of what those dashed lines mean...

2003-12-06T23:56:00.000-05:00

Rummy's just realized that he jizzed in Kazari's hair.

2003-12-02T15:33:00.000-05:00

Behold my utter brilliance, and my moderate Photoshop skills!

Sources: Some crappy piccies I scrounged up.

Beware the dark side, Obi Rum.

BANG!

2003-11-27T09:38:00.000-05:00

Soldier: It seemed like a good idea at a time... *hobbles home without a foot*

Iraqi militant: ...naw, man, it's too easy...

Source: Supposedly, fewer troop deaths. Coming up next, another helicopter containing 15 US soldiers was shot down yesterday- oh! And there go another two...

2003-11-25T10:09:00.000-05:00

Dubya: Uh-oh! Them protestors is catching up tah me!

Guy holding the door: Quickly sir, back into the batmobile!

Dubya: You idiot, we're headin' inta church! This is the JESUSmobile! Get it righ'!

Dubya: Wait, wait! Maybe if Ah jus' stand- back- here- no one'll notice...

Guy Holding Door: *whimper* Sir, your mother looks pissed...

Source: Reuters.

BREAKING NEWS: GIANT BABY STUCK IN EQUALLY ENORMOUS CONDOM

2003-11-24T17:29:00.000-05:00